The following question was posted in a recent issue of
Connections — the free newsletter for Hermes' Web
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"Victim and offender perspectives after an offense are so
vastly different. How can I use Hermes’ Web to show an
offender how he has affected his victims without stirring all
Response From Jerry Fjerkenstad, MA, LP
Use Hermes' Web and the Hoberman Sphere to explain the
difference in these two perspectives. The Hoberman is an
enlargement of the core. Opening the Hoberman
represents the offense. The victim is drawn into the center
of the Hoberman — the perpetrator's core, where the
offense takes place.
Once the offense is over, and the perpetrator's personality
flips back to its normal state, the offender abandons his
core (the Hoberman closes) and often leaves victim
The Core From Afar
The Core Up Close
|The Core During
The victim, trapped in the perpetrator's core, is now burdened with the garbage in there — the parts of the offender doesn’t want,
doesn’t own, and won’t take responsibility for. The victim blames him or herself and feels at fault, because now, they have inherited the
perpetrator’s garbage. They are contaminated. It may take many years before a victim even recognizes the garbage belongs to the
perpetrator, not them.
The perpetrator easily minimizes the offense because he doesn’t identify with what’s in his core. He's never met the hungry vampire
part of him willing to offend, nor does he recognize how horrifying it might be for someone to come face-to-face with that vampire.
So a perpetrator could molest his daughter, and then sit down to dinner with the whole family and be surprised that she is upset.
Many perpetrators are only in touch with their core when offending and disown it otherwise, ignoring and denying all the needs,
pathologies, and emotions that drive the offense. They might say, “I’m not like that” or “The victim is exaggerating. It just wasn’t that
bad. Look at me. I'm a nice guy. I wouldn’t do that.” Given that most offenses are ego-dystonic (for those who aren't psychopaths),
most offenders do not identify with the parts of them that do the offending.